#AirportInnovation #TravelNews #DeportationDeluxe #Satire #MunichAirport
By: TheJestPress.com
MUNICH—Just when travelers thought airports couldn’t get any more hospitable, Munich Airport announced plans for the world’s first “Deportation Terminal,” a cutting-edge departure experience designed for those jetting off against their will.
Airport officials promise this isn’t just another waiting room with free wifi and questionable croissants. “At Munich, we believe every journey should be memorable, even the state-mandated ones,” said Terminal Director Klaus Überdruss. “Our new terminal guarantees an efficient, if involuntary, send-off—plus a complimentary one-way ticket that looks great in any passport.”
Early renderings showcase decor featuring gentle reminders like “Thanks for Visiting, Please Never Come Back!” and a state-of-the-art conveyor belt for gently collecting dreams and aspirations. Customers—er, “guests”—will enjoy expedited security, assuming they don’t attempt to hide inside their luggage. For entertainment, the terminal will stream classic German films about disappointment, and the gift shop will offer handy items like travel pillows and tissues “for your tears of nostalgia.”
Tech upgrades abound. The digital departure board auto-displays the phrase “It’s Not Us, It’s You” in over 40 languages. In the VIP lounge, departing dignitaries receive an extra stern handshake from border authorities and a tiny schnitzel for the road.
The terminal’s opening is already generating buzz among politicians looking for swift solutions to existential migration debates. “We’re excited to lead Europe into a new era of innovative exclusion,” said an airport spokesperson. “It’s modern, efficient, and just a little bit passive-aggressive—just how we like it.”
Airport critics worry this may spark a trend, and rumor has it that Frankfurt is countering with a “Nobody Loves You Anymore” gate, while Berlin’s “Exit Only Café” will serve one last bitter espresso, gratis.
With its newest addition, Munich Airport proves once and for all that when it comes to departures, some goodbyes really are forever.
By: TheJestPress.com
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