#Satire #TexasWeather #FlashFloods #PredictableUnpredictability #HillCountryDisaster
By: TheJestPress.com
**Meteorologist Claims “Science Not There Yet” to Predict Water Running Downhill, Legislators Relieved**
AUSTIN, TX – During a special legislative session on Wednesday, local meteorologist Hank Dewlap stunned lawmakers by admitting that the historic Hill Country flash floods, which tragically killed over 130 people, “were difficult to predict because, frankly, the science is not yet available.” Lawmakers reportedly cheered, finally off the hook for doing anything about it.
“The water, ya see, it moves,” Dewlap explained, pointing to a blue squiggly line on a whiteboard. “Sometimes it moves kinda slow, sometimes real fast, and sometimes—this will really blow your mind—it doesn’t care about your weather app at all.”
Pressed for further clarification, Dewlap laid out the current scientific limits: “We just aren’t there yet in terms of predicting water’s desire to go from higher ground to lower ground. It’s like trying to catch a raccoon that’s already in your attic. Sure, you know it’s up there, but when and where it’s gonna fall through the sheetrock? Science just shrugs, man.”
Session attendee Rep. Buckley “Buck Shot” Kendall wiped his brow in relief. “Knowing that all this flooding was simply unpredictable means we’re free not to prepare for it again. I’m glad science has our back—for not having our back.”
When asked if the next step would be to invest in better forecasting or infrastructure, Dewlap demurred. “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. We still only have ‘clouds’ and ‘not clouds’ on the seven-day forecast. Baby steps.”
Texans are advised to keep one eye on the sky and the other on the nearest floating device, just in case. Because, as Dewlap reminded, “If you see water moving downhill, congratulations—you’re a scientist.”
#Satire #TexasWeather #FlashFloods #PredictableUnpredictability #HillCountryDisaster
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment