# Satire #BeerRelief #AustraliaNews #TaxBreak #TheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
In a bold move that’s left economists scratching their heads and pub owners popping corks, Australia’s Prime Minister has announced a radical new approach to help with the nation’s mounting cost-of-living crisis: eliminating the beer tax, effective immediately.
Speaking at a press conference held suspiciously close to happy hour, the PM declared, “When Aussie families are struggling to make ends meet, I say it’s time to give them what really matters—cheaper pints!” He then produced a frothy schooner from behind the podium, earning a standing ovation and several marriage proposals from the press gallery.
The Prime Minister’s spokespeople clarified that, although the Federal Government can’t do much about inflation, skyrocketing rent, or stagnant wages, they *can* guarantee that a cold one will remain in every esky. “We see beer not as a beverage, but as a basic human right—right alongside WiFi and stubby holders,” a government official explained, before quietly slipping out for a knock-off.
Reaction from the public has been predictably enthusiastic. Local citizen Shazza O’Toole told reporters, “This is the first time I’ve felt represented in Parliament. My mortgage rate’s still terrifying, but at least I can drown my sorrows without tax-induced guilt.”
Meanwhile, brewers nationwide have already begun rolling out new marketing campaigns: “Save Your House, Sip Our Draught!” and “Drink Responsibly—The Government Depends On It!” Supermarkets, anticipating a dry-conomy boom, are erecting shrines to the Prime Minister out of tinnies and Tooheys cartons.
Critics argue that waiving the beer tax could cause a drop in government revenue, but the Treasury assured citizens it would recoup losses by “taxing avocado toast and emotional support kangaroos.”
At press time, the PM was seen attempting to pass legislation granting every Australian citizen the right to call in “beer o’clock” to work, twice a day.
By: TheJestPress.com
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