#Satire #CampusNews #DUETSaga #Scandal #HallEviction
By: TheJestPress.com
**DUET Implements ‘Gaydar’ Seminar After Banning Five Students for Alleged Homosexuality**
In a dazzling display of forward-backward thinking, the authorities at the renowned DUET (Dhaka University of Engineering & Technology) have expelled five students from their dormitories after a historic breakthrough—allegations of homosexuality! Administration officials, eager to demonstrate their progressiveness, promptly implemented a new seminar titled “Identifying The Gay: A Practical Approach for Bangladeshi Campuses.”
Eyewitnesses claim the initial “investigation” was triggered when one student lent another his Philosophy notebook, “for no apparent reason.” Hall monitors, ever-vigilant, sprang into action after discovering that the accused students occasionally wore matching sandals and once shared a packet of Choco-Pie on a rainy evening.
Addressing campus media with trembling conviction, the Hall Provost said, “Our institution believes in academic freedom—just not *that* kind of freedom. We cannot have students collaborating on group projects *and* appreciating interior décor. Where will it end?” He then burst into a lecture on “compromising morals leading to suboptimal GPA scores.”
In an effort to help other students avoid similar peril, DUET has installed metal detectors and rainbow-flag scanners at all hostel entrances. Next semester, “Physics of Heterosexuality” is set to replace the outdated “Human Values” course. The administration is also considering banning chairs designed for two people, mirrors longer than 20 inches, and the humble game of carrom, citing it as “dangerously circular.”
Meanwhile, the accused students have reportedly enrolled in the university’s new “How to Look Unpleasant and Remain Unnoticed” program—a seven-week crash course involving frowning, awkward handshakes, and walking exclusively in odd-numbered groups.
Campus counselors recommend, for safety, that students restrict hand-holding to cricket celebrations, never laugh at jokes in seminars, and always maintain a safe distance from both fashion and friendship.
By: TheJestPress.com
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