#Satire #TrumpAdvice #InternationalPolitics #MideastHotTakes #TheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
Mar-a-Lago, FL — In a breaking international development that no one asked for, former President Donald J. Trump emerged from his world-renowned pancake buffet this morning to offer what he called “the best advice, probably ever, in the history of advice” to Israel on its ongoing conflict: “Finish the job” against Hamas.
Trump, known for his subtle diplomacy and quiet contemplation (according to absolutely no sources), announced his bold position while accidentally dialing into a Zoom yoga class for peace negotiators. “Finish the job, Israel! Make it like one of my construction projects—only, you know, with slightly less bankruptcy,” Trump declared, pausing only to ask if Gaza had a Trump Tower yet.
Political scientists worldwide are now frantically updating their textbooks to include “Finish the job” as a groundbreaking doctrine of international relations, right after “Trust but verify” and just before “Here’s looking at you, kid.” Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government announced an emergency seminar, “Solving Decades of Conflict with Slogans,” now sold out thanks to corporate sponsorship from MyPillow.
A spokesperson for Hamas, meanwhile, responded with, “Wait, he’s not still president, right?” while Israeli officials admitted puzzlement over what exactly the ‘job’ was, and whether hiring Ivanka as a peace envoy was implied.
Trump later clarified to confused reporters, “By ‘finish the job,’ I just mean, make it terrific. Lots of gold, lots of marble, and very, very successful.” Insiders report he’s already working on a new book, “The Art of the Peace Deal: Just Tell ‘Em to Win.”
United Nations diplomats are now considering adding “Finish the job” to the official list of Most Unhelpful Phrases, right underneath “It is what it is.”
Stay tuned for updates, and remember: foreign policy isn’t actual policy until a former U.S. president tweets it from a golf course.
By: TheJestPress.com
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