#CameroonElection #Democrazy #VoteNoMore #OppositionOops #NotSoFreeAndFair
By: TheJestPress.com
In an inspiring display of creativity, Cameroon’s election board has found a novel solution for reducing election anxiety: simply bar the main opposition candidate from the presidential race! The board, clearly fans of tension-free results night, announced this week that the country’s most popular challenger would be spending Election Day “catching up on Netflix, not ballots.”
The move, which political experts are calling “an exciting remix of democracy,” ensures current President Paul Biya can focus on what he does best—remaining president. Officials cited important reasons for the opposition’s disqualification, including “incorrect font size on campaign posters” and “excessive delivery of hope to the people.”
Citizens initially expressed concern at the ballot options, which now include: “Paul Biya,” “Paul Biya’s Reflection in the Mirror,” and “A Random Guy Who Promises Not to Protest the Results.” Election board spokesperson Marcel Dupont explained, “We are simply streamlining the voting process—voters love efficiency, and nothing is more efficient than a choice that’s already been made!”
Meanwhile, the barred opposition candidate says he is “shocked, but not surprised,” and may run for Cameroon’s next top job: Minister of Banned Political Participation.
Activists worldwide have responded with sympathy, launching a #LetThemRun campaign on social media, but critics in Cameroon are reportedly considering an even more radical step: voting with their feet—directly out of the country.
Asked about the international response, officials promised an investigation into “the possibility of more creative ballot design next time,” including “choose-your-own-adventure voting,” where every outcome leads to the same president.
In a related story, the board is also rumored to be developing a new national slogan: “Cameroon: Because One Choice is All You Need!”
By: TheJestPress.com
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