#ClimateEvacuation #PlanetB #MovingDay #ClimateChange #NoPlaceLikeHome
By: TheJestPress.com
In an unprecedented move that scientists are calling “completely on-brand for 2024,” the entire nation of Flattovia has announced mandatory evacuation due to climate change. After relentless floods, invasive flamingo herds, and temperatures fluctuating between “boiling soup” and “vacuum of space,” Flattovia’s prime minister declared: “Our weather app now just says ‘LOL’—it’s time to pack up.”
Citizens responded in typical Flattovian fashion, organizing competitive suitcase-packing tournaments and scouring neighboring nations’ Airbnb listings. The government set up evacuation offices (which immediately floated away) and distributed autocorrect-proof departure instructions: “Don’t forget your toothbrush, grandma, or emotional support inflatable raft.”
Neighboring countries expressed mixed reactions. Gloombergistan, to the south, welcomed refugees and asked them in advance if they could clarify if they’re bringing their own WiFi. Meanwhile, the tiny Principality of Checklistia simply offered to “hold onto their mail for a little while, but nothing heavy, please.”
Meanwhile, geological surveys revealed Flattovia itself is slowly becoming an international waterpark ride. Environmentalists see it as “a tragic warning,” while Disney is rumored to be scouting locations for “It’s a Submerged World After All.”
Tourism officials are spinning the news optimistically, launching the “Last Chance to See Flattovia” campaign. The catch: tickets include complimentary water wings and a spot on the last departing paddleboat. Souvenirs include sand, family heirlooms, and a personalized can of Official Flattovian Air.
“We always said we wanted to travel more,” shrugged one evacuee. “We just didn’t plan on taking the whole country with us.”
On a positive note, historians say Flattovia will be remembered as “the country that finally kept its promise to leave everything behind for a better climate.” Their new national motto? “Wherever we end up, at least it won’t hail flamingos.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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