#LondonDrama #ChoirCatastrophe #DivineIntervention #HolyNoiseComplaint #NotSoSilentNight
By: TheJestPress.com
LONDON—A London bishop has emerged as an unlikely champion of bedtime everywhere after heroically shutting down a raucous choir concert this weekend, all while sporting a dressing gown described by witnesses as “impressively fluffy.” The incident occurred at St. Eardrums Church in Southwark, where the annual “Hymns & High Notes” fundraiser erupted into chaos—or, as the bishop called it, “a terrible racket.”
Worshippers at the late-night choral event say they had just begun a spirited rendition of “Oh Happy Day (Dubstep Remix)” when His Excellency stormed in, teapot in hand and bunny slippers audibly squeaking, to smite the noise with the authority given unto him by both God and the local council’s quiet hours ordinance.
“I was mid-bass drop on ‘Ave Maria’ when suddenly this vision of flannel fury stood before us,” says soprano Imogen P. “He waved a teabag like a censor’s incense and things just…stopped. Even the tubular bells drooped in shame.”
The bishop, later identified as the Right Reverend Sir Reginald Crumplebottom, reportedly scolded the choir for violating the sanctity of silence, which he says is “second only to the sanctity of a piping hot chamomile.” In a handwritten statement slipped under the choir’s music folders, Crumplebottom urged musicians to consider “soft jazz or interpretive mime” for next year’s event, citing the traumatic impact on his pet goldfish.
Local authorities have since issued a public statement: “We encourage community events, but also respect a bishop’s right to deep REM sleep.” Resident reactions have been split between outrage and admiration, with one neighbour calling the bishop “the Batman London didn’t know it needed—armed with a bathrobe instead of a Batarang.”
The choir, meanwhile, is reviewing strategies for being “less heavenly, more hush-hush” in the future.
By: TheJestPress.com
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