#DeltaDrama #SkyHighScandal #HomelandHijinks #SFOShenanigans #FrequentFlyerFelonies
By: TheJestPress.com
**Delta Pilot Arrested at SFO, Allegedly Tried to Use Frequent Flyer Miles to Pay Bail**
SAN FRANCISCO – Paging Captain Obvious! In a plot twist that has left travelers clutching their carry-on liquids and clutching their pearls, a Delta Airlines pilot was handcuffed and escorted off his aircraft at San Francisco International Airport yesterday—by none other than Homeland Security agents.
What was his egregious crime? Was it an attempted hijacking? Smuggling illegal snacks? No, authorities say the pilot was simply “flying much too high”—not in altitude, but apparently in spirit, after being caught using airline peanuts as legal tender at the duty-free shop.
Observers say the pilot, known only by his callsign “Sky Daddy,” had just completed Flight DL420 (nice!) when federal agents swooped in, shocking fans of both aviation and mid-flight awkward announcements everywhere.
“I just wanted to thank you for choosing Delta, and, uh, if anyone has a good lawyer, please remain in your seats,” witnesses quoted the captain as saying over the PA moments before his perp walk. Children on board reportedly mistook it for an in-flight comedy skit, while one savvy traveler immediately tried to book their connecting flight on Alaska Airlines “just in case.”
At the jailhouse, Sky Daddy attempted to use 50,000 Delta SkyMiles to pay his bail, offering free upgrades and main cabin snacks if authorities would “let this one slide.” A TSA spokesperson commented, “He had status, but not enough for a get-out-of-jail-free card. That’s Platinum territory, sir.”
Delta has issued a statement promising they “take in-flight shenanigans very seriously,” and have banned all peanut bartering henceforth. Meanwhile, passengers remain hopeful that their delays will at least earn enough miles for a half-pound of honey-roasted peanuts by next year.
By: TheJestPress.com
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