#Satire #NorthKoreaVacay #RussianTourism #EscapeRoomHoliday #KimJongUnAirlines
By: TheJestPress.com
**Moscow Launches Direct Flights to North Korea: Russian Tourists Bravely Swap Sunbeds for Statues**
MOSCOW—In a bold move set to revolutionize the travel industry—or at least deeply confuse it—Russia has launched direct flights to North Korea, offering citizens a “holiday” destination even government travel advisories can’t describe without giggling.
With traditional paradises like Turkey and the Maldives fading from reach, adventurous Russian vacationers are swapping beach towels for Juche-themed guided marches, and cocktails for what North Korea lovingly refers to as “nationally-sourced water.” Gone are the days of Instagramming poolside mojitos—this year’s must-have selfie features the world’s largest bronze statue collection and at least five mandatory uniformed chaperones in the background.
Travel agencies are buzzing with new package deals, including the “Kim Jong Fun Family Getaway” (two meals of mystery protein per day, loyalty points redeemable for an extra bowl of broth), and the premium “Pyongyang Splash Adventure” (includes a guided tour of the city’s one, possibly-functioning fountain).
“It is truly the adventure of a lifetime. And possibly the last one,” said Olga Petrov, clutching her visa and an alarming number of instant noodles. “I heard you can visit a museum in North Korea that’s entirely about one haircut. Revolutionary!”
Russian airlines are promising unparalleled on-board entertainment, such as a marathon screening of “The Glorious Leader’s Achievements: Part I–XIX,” and an exclusive Tetris tournament using only left-facing L pieces.
North Korean officials are optimistic about the influx of Russian tourists, noting it could single-handedly double the nation’s annual GDP. “We look forward to showing the Russian people our beautiful monuments, highly efficient lines for bread, and our world-famous punctuality in closing everything at 6 p.m. sharp,” said a spokesperson who, in unrelated news, has since requested asylum.
In related news, Lonely Planet has updated its Russia section: “Try to enjoy North Korea. Or at least try to make it back.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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