#Satire #LateNightWars #PiersMorgan #ColbertCancelled #ComedyChaos
By: TheJestPress.com
In today’s edition of British Blokes Throwing Shade, Piers Morgan has triumphantly announced he’s cracked the secret code behind declining late night TV ratings: apparently, Stephen Colbert was “canceled” because, as Morgan put it, “most late night hosts are activist hacks for the Democrats. No wonder!”
According to Morgan, who famously stormed off his own TV show in a huff and then called it “a strategic tea break,” American late night viewers simply can’t stomach the progressive politics mixed in with their jokes. “Back on my side of the pond, our comedians simply drink, mumble, and make fun of the weather. It’s the height of British impartiality,” Morgan explained while co-hosting a segment with a wax figure of Winston Churchill.
Morgan went further, suggesting the next generation of late night should be hosted by unaffiliated household appliances. “Let’s get a politically neutral toaster to host!” he exclaimed. “If the only agenda is crispy bread, we’ll finally get audiences back.”
Meanwhile, Stephen Colbert was sighted frantically trying to uncancel himself by applying to guest host Fox & Friends, reportedly offering to do a “tight five” lampooning kombucha, wind turbines, and the color blue.
Late night insiders have fired back, quietly reminding Morgan that his own show is watched primarily by people stuck in dental waiting rooms and that Colbert’s “cancellation” involved getting a Netflix deal and a 400% pay raise. Said one anonymous producer, “If this is what getting canceled looks like, sign me up.”
Sources confirm that Jimmy Fallon is now nervous he’ll be outed for secretly being a Whig.
In completely unrelated news, late night TV’s biggest threat remains not political activism, but streaming services that allow audiences to skip jokes and just play soothing fireplace videos instead.
By: TheJestPress.com
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