#SatiricalNews #PutinOnTheRitz #DiplomacyDebacles #WarOfWills #PresidentialPatience
By: TheJestPress.com
**President Fresh Out of Patience Coupons for Putin, May Start Charging Late Fees**
WASHINGTON D.C.—At a hastily convened press conference today, White House officials revealed that President Biden has “officially run out of patience” while negotiating with Russian President Vladimir Putin about the war in Ukraine. White House sources confirmed that, after repeated Zoom calls, strongly worded letters, and a particularly stern thumbs-down emoji texted at 2 a.m., Biden’s patience reservoir is “drier than Nevada in July.”
“We’ve tried it all,” sighed one exhausted aide. “Polite requests, dad jokes, telling Putin that his Zoom background is ‘too menacing.’ The man just replies with cryptic winks and a GIF of a dancing bear.”
Insiders say Biden is considering “unconventional tactics,” including sending Putin an Amazon gift card or seeing if he’d be interested in a Netflix password swap. “We’re even thinking of sending him a ‘Sorry for Your Terrible Choices’ fruit basket,” one official added.
According to reports, the President’s last phone call with Putin turned tense after Putin responded to peace proposals with, “I’ll think about it,” followed by five weeks of radio silence and a suspiciously long story about his dog eating his homework.
“It’s just rude at this point,” Biden lamented to reporters. “I’ve threatened sanctions, embargoes, and even calling his mother, but the man just doubles down. I’m not mad, I’m just… disappointed.”
If talks don’t progress, the White House says they may be forced to start charging Vladimir Putin a late fee, with a sternly printed invoice reading: “You are thirty countries past due on Peace Agreement #2077.”
Experts predict Putin will respond—as always—by asking, “Who’s Patience, and why is she running out?”
By: TheJestPress.com
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