#BreakingGas #PipelinePower #LNGByeBye #SiberianSurge #EggRollsNotEggheads
By: TheJestPress.com
**China Swipes Left on U.S. LNG, Citing Sudden Crush on Russian Pipelines and Domestic Gas Glow-Up**
In a shocking, yet extremely cold, breakup, China has officially ghosted U.S.-sourced liquefied natural gas (LNG). The Middle Kingdom made the announcement while swaddled in a fuzzy robe and cradling a thermostat, stating, “It’s not you, it’s… well, actually, it is you.”
In a press conference partially powered by Siberian pipeline pressure, Chinese officials denied they were seeing anyone else before word leaked of steamy late-night gas deliveries from Russia. “We just want someone who understands our need for reliable, affordable warmth,” said state official Li Gassy. “And who doesn’t make us listen to country music in the background.”
Russia, for its part, responded with a hasty increase in Instagram posts featuring its pipelines “accidentally” flexing near the Sino-Russian border. Analysts note that these new gas ties come as China’s own natural gas sector swipes up in production, fueled by what insiders describe as “more holes in the ground than a mole convention.”
Meanwhile, American LNG operators have been left feeling out in the cold. “China said they wanted exclusivity, but then started pipelining DMs to Russia at 2 a.m.,” lamented one heartbroken gas executive, wrapping himself in a Stars and Stripes Snuggie. “And we even offered free shipping!”
Experts believe U.S. LNG will now find comfort streaming to Europe, where officials “prefer their gas liquefied and their heartbreak imported.” China claims the switch will reduce carbon emissions but admitted “we mostly just got tired of waiting for shipments while America was busy counting ballots.”
Rumor has it the U.S. Department of Energy is taking the news well, pausing only to note, “We’re not mad, just disappointed. But also mad.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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