#AncientUber #StonehengeStrong #NoGlaciersNoProblem #RockNRoll #StoneAgeGains
By: TheJestPress.com
New evidence has rocked the archaeological world: It turns out that Stone Age people at Stonehenge actually DID muscle those 30-ton boulders over 200 kilometers—not on glaciers, but apparently with sheer brute strength, pure stubbornness, and possibly a wild misunderstanding of the phrase “rolling stones gather no moss.”
For decades, scientists have comforted themselves with the idea that ancient Britons just watched in awe as conveniently passing glaciers delivered the massive “bluestones” straight to their doorstep, perhaps with a delivery note attached: “Left behind ice, please sign below.” But a new study suggests that the prehistoric inhabitants of what is now Wiltshire instead spent several generations playing the world’s slowest and most backbreaking round of Rock Relocation.
Sources indicate a variety of cutting-edge techniques were suggested and then rejected by the Stone Age Stonehenge Construction Committee, including:
– Domestication of woolly mammoths (the union was against it),
– Hiring a primitive moving company (quote: “Sorry, mate, nothing over 20 tons”),
– Or simply saying, “Never mind, let’s just make a really nice sandcastle instead.”
Mosquito-riddled manuscripts from the era reveal that, “Gronk’s back still hasn’t recovered, but history will remember his sacrifice.”
Let’s take a moment of silence for the poor guy assigned Project Manager. In modern terms, he was tasked with carrying an entire suburban housing development across several counties, using only sticks, stones, and the occasional frustrated family member: “Come on, Gran, keep pushing!”
So next time you step on a LEGO and wince, spare a thought for ancient Gronk and his mates, who dragged half of Wales to Salisbury Plain because their calendar told them, “Very important, summer solstice needs big circle of stones. No pressure.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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