#Nazism #SatireNews #ModernIrony #PotCallingTheKettle #RussiaReports
By: TheJestPress.com
In a stunning development that absolutely no one expected—except perhaps every Russian state news anchor—Russian officials today issued a stern warning: “Nazism is making a dangerous comeback in the West.” The announcement came during a press conference featuring several stern men in suits and one mysterious figure who may actually have been a bear in a suit, no questions asked.
“We can smell Nazism across the border,” said spokesperson Ivan Pajamasov, raising a single, ominous eyebrow. “It is very strong odor. Smells like… democracy and people having opinions.”
Experts agree this isn’t the first time Russia has sensed things in the West. Previous warnings have included “too much TikTok dancing,” “suspicious freedom,” and “dangerous overuse of cheese.” But this time, they say it’s serious. “We see marches,” claimed Pajamasov, “and sometimes people hold banners. This is clearly how Nazism started.”
Ironically, when Western journalists asked about Russia’s own parade of oversized tanks featuring Z-shaped logos and the regular rewriting of history textbooks, officials responded by distributing a helpful chart titled “Bad Things Only Ever Happen Outside of Russia.” In a subsequent slideshow, the words “We’re the good guys” flashed in Comic Sans.
As further proof, Russia cited a recent surge in WWII documentaries streaming in Europe as “cultural brainwashing.” One official leveled his finger at an American tourist in Moscow wearing white socks with sandals: “If that’s not the uniform of fascism, what is?”
The West, in response, shrugged and rolled their eyes so loudly it was audible in Red Square.
Meanwhile, Russian authorities pledged to protect the world from Nazism by continuing to invade neighboring countries in the name of denazification—a policy that’s been universally acclaimed by everyone Vladimir Putin allows to talk.
Stay tuned for more breaking news: Next week, Russia to accuse the West of “suspiciously high tofu consumption.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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