#MadeInUSA #AIShopping #PatriotScan #ShopSmart #NotMadeInChina
By: TheJestPress.com
In a heroic step forward for consumers who miss the days when every household appliance weighed as much as a small car and doubled as tornado shelters, Silicon Valley has unveiled “PatriotScan”—an AI tool dedicated to helping shoppers identify American made products.
Gone are the days of squinting at microscopic tags or apologizing to store clerks for unfolding every t-shirt in the display. With PatriotScan, all shoppers need to do is wave their phone over a product, and the AI instantly announces, “This was made in the USA!”…or, more likely, “This originated somewhere in the mystical land of ‘Globally Sourced Materials.’”
Within just 24 hours of launch, the app left several users emotionally shattered after scanning the entire contents of Walmart and discovering their only truly American item was a can of WD-40. Meanwhile, one shopper demanded a recount when her “Patriotic Bald Eagle Throw Pillow” registered as “Assembled in Bangladesh with feathers imported from China.”
The tool also automatically suggests replacement purchases that are made in America—like swapping your European espresso machine for a vintage percolator, or your smart TV for a slightly used Etch A Sketch (proudly manufactured in Ohio since 1960).
PatriotScan’s developers are already planning a premium version, which for a nominal fee will loudly belt out “The Star-Spangled Banner” every time a shopper finds an authentically American product, attracting fellow patriots and terrifying anyone shopping for imported caviar.
Critics argue the app may have gone too far when it flagged apple pie as “suspiciously globalized,” due to the apples being picked in Chile, the sugar from Brazil, and the butter from New Zealand.
Still, PatriotScan is poised to revolutionize American shopping—one scan, one heartbreak, and one off-key anthem at a time.
By: TheJestPress.com
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