#NuclearWasps #RadioactiveBuzz #Waspocalypse #MutantInsects #ScienceGoneWrong
By: TheJestPress.com
**Radioactive Wasp Nest Found at Site Where US Once Made Nuclear Bombs; Local Wasps Demand Respect, Preferably from a Safe Distance**
In a stunning development at the Hanford Site in Washington—a location gently described by the EPA as “the opposite of a health spa”—scientists have discovered a wasp nest with radiation readings high enough to make your Geiger counter long for a lawyer.
The radioactive nest, which glows faintly after dusk and is guarded by wasps the size of small avocados, was discovered by an unsuspecting janitor named Bill, who is currently “taking a few days off” to “reconsider life choices.”
“It’s almost poetic,” said Dr. Linda Newton, Entomologist and wearer of three sets of lead-lined pants. “For decades, humans built weapons of mass destruction here, and now nature has responded… by constructing the first ever Weapons of Mass Irritation.”
Eyewitnesses claim the wasps have developed superpowers, such as the ability to sting through hazmat suits, read warning signs, and quote classic Godzilla movies in Japanese. One local beekeeper attempted to negotiate a peace treaty using sugar water and motivational posters, but was promptly escorted off the property, mostly by running.
The Department of Energy (motto: “We Make Things Glow”) insists there is no reason for alarm, provided citizens stay at least 12 miles away from the nest and purchase the newly-offered “RadioWasp Survival Kit,” which mostly contains bug spray and a resignation letter to your future self.
The good news: experts predict the radioactive wasps will not survive the winter—mainly because they will evolve into something far more dangerous, like a fusion-powered raccoon-badger hybrid. Until then, locals are advised to, in the immortal words of Bill, “let someone else deal with it.”
Stay tuned for updates or emergency broadcasts—whichever comes first.
By: TheJestPress.com
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