#FloodNap #SleepyOfficials #TexasStorms #TotallyPrepared #JestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
**Kerr County’s Top Emergency Official Slept ‘Like a Baby’ During Deadly Flood, County Unveils New Response Plan: Nap First, Alarm Later**
KERRVILLE, TX—In a bold new approach to disaster management, Kerr County’s Lead Emergency Management Official, Donnie Dewzey, admitted Monday that he was “in a deep REM cycle” during last week’s deadly floods, missing the initial crisis altogether.
“It was pouring rain outside, perfect white noise!” Dewzey explained at the press conference, where he greeted reporters with pillow creases still etched across his face. “Can you blame me? My melatonin finally kicked in.”
When asked if being awake might have helped coordinate rescues, Dewzey chuckled: “Listen, I’m *much* more alert after eight hours and a breakfast taco. Imagine the chaos if I was cranky and underslept—no one wants a hangry rescue operation.”
The county’s new Emergency Response Slogan, unveiled at the same event, is “Nap First, Respond Later.” The motto is already being painted across county vehicles, replacing the old “Be Prepared.” Emergency staff is rumored to be negotiating for company cots and weighted blankets.
Kerr County residents had mixed opinions. Local business owner, Janice McCoy, voiced concerns: “I called 911 three times, but just got a recording of rain and snoring. At least his sleep wasn’t interrupted, bless his heart.” Others saw the bright side. “At least now we know he’s not a vampire,” said one local. “I had my doubts.”
Meanwhile, Dewzey has vowed to do better, promising to “at least switch my phone to vibrate during monsoon season.” The county also announced a partnership with Starbucks to install emergency espresso machines at every flood-prone intersection.
For now, Kerr County citizens are advised to set their own alarms and consider investing in inflatable canoes—or maybe just a louder ringtone.
By: TheJestPress.com
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