#BreakingNews #IronyAlert #ICE #Immigration #MaineMania
By: TheJestPress.com
In a story that will have you questioning if your universe is firmly screwed in, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) announced today that they have detained an *actual* Maine police officer for allegedly overstaying his visa—proving that in America, nobody is above the law, not even the guy in charge of enforcing it.
The officer in question, Officer Lars “Law-abidin’” O’Connell, reportedly failed to keep his paperwork as up-to-date as his traffic citations. ICE agents say Lars’ work visa expired nine months ago—which, in dog years, is basically forever. A shocked public wondered how this could happen considering Officer O’Connell performs quarterly “Do You Belong Here?” checks on, well, everyone but himself.
“I personally cleared Lars with a federal background check last spring,” said police chief Bob Dewey, sweat beading on his brow. “He promised me he was as legal as our department-issued handcuffs. Maybe the government should check its own expiration dates for once!”
Sources close to Officer O’Connell confirm his confusion. “Look, he’s been in Maine longer than the lobsters. The only thing more American than Lars is his unlicensed hotdog stand at the county fair,” his neighbor said.
ICE, however, is insisting that law is law. In a press conference held outside a lobster shack, an ICE spokesperson clarified, “Our checks aren’t just for people with slightly suspicious mustaches or questionable birth certificates. Sometimes, they’re for the guy with a badge, a mustache, AND an un-ironic American flag tattoo.”
At last report, the police department is holding an emergency seminar titled “How to Clear a Federal Check and Actually Mean It.” Meanwhile, Officer O’Connell’s fate remains uncertain. Locals are torn between raising bail money or just renewing his visa themselves, which they point out is “probably faster than waiting for federal paperwork.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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