#LooseChangeChallenge #RollingInPennies #ContractorChaos #CoinTossedJustice #WeightyMatters
By: TheJestPress.com
In an act of fiscal mischief that has local bank tellers considering early retirement, Nebraska-based contractor Larry “Loose Change” Morrison settled his $20,000 government fine the old-fashioned way: with 12,000 pounds of loose change.
The scene outside the Lincoln County Courthouse resembled a hybrid between “Breaking Bad” and a Girl Scout cookie fundraiser gone terribly astray. Two flatbed trucks pulled up smoothly, each loaded with heavy-duty buckets, coffee cans, and what witnesses described as “enough spare change to buy every gumball in North America.”
Morrison, notorious for his creative approach to accounting, was reportedly inspired after “Googling whether fines absolutely had to be paid in bills.” Clad in a reflective vest with penny-motif suspenders, Morrison handed county officials a tiny plastic baggie containing his final $0.47, muttering, “Interest, just in case.”
Bank tellers tasked with counting the payment have demanded hazard pay and counseling, as reports emerged of at least one teller attempting to retire on her newfound collection of 38,000 wheat pennies. “We started counting at 8:00 a.m.,” one teller sighed, “and by noon, we were trading Advil like currency.”
County treasurer Janet Krupnik, whose new nickname “Coin Queen” is catching on quickly, was initially skeptical. “I thought it was performance art, or some really weird protest,” she said, “but according to municipal code, loose change is still legal tender.”
Meanwhile, local Coinstar kiosks have filed for bankruptcy, citing “unprecedented penny-based injuries.”
Morrison remains unrepentant. “They said pay up, so I did. You want to fine me again? Hope you got strong backs and better counting machines.”
At press time, authorities are quietly considering an amendment to the payment code involving a wheelbarrow limit and a two-penny maximum per transaction.
By: TheJestPress.com
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