#ArgentinaForSale #PassportPanic #JoinLaLibertad #MileisMall #BuyYourCitizenship
By: TheJestPress.com
**Argentina Launches “Citizenship by Investment” Program: Buy Low, Stay Forever**
In a bold new move that combines laissez-faire economics with a dash of Craigslist energy, President Javier Milei’s government has formalized Argentina’s first-ever “Citizenship by Investment” program this week. Experts say the move could finally answer the long-standing question: “How much would YOU pay to be Argentinian?”
The program, informally dubbed “Mate & Money,” invites global investors to purchase Argentine citizenship with a nominal monetary investment, a signed pledge to not ask for pesos, and the completion of a 3-hour online tango tutorial. While some nations offer residency via multimillion-dollar luxury real estate deals, Argentina is reportedly accepting “literally any foreign currency,” airline miles, or one (1) Taylor Swift concert ticket.
A government spokesperson explained, “We were tired of seeing people buy passports in Cyprus, Malta, and *even Dominica*. Why not us? With every purchase, you get modern democracy, world-class beef, and free soccer lessons from whatever Maradona impersonator happens to be around.”
Critics claim the initiative is risky. “Are we sure we want international billionaires buying citizenship?” said a Buenos Aires local. “Can we at least check if they can pronounce ‘ñandú’ first?”
But officials are going all in—the website, BuyTheCeleste.com, features a countdown clock, testimonials from satisfied new citizens (“I never knew inflation could be this spicy!”), and a “Passport Roulette” button for adventurous investors who are willing to let the government pick their new province at random.
The gold package, for an extra fee, even offers to let you declare yourself a governor. (Restrictions apply. Buenos Aires not included. Governors cannot actually govern.)
As one government official put it, “Come for the asado, stay for the economic uncertainty. Either way, you’re one of us now. Welcome home, investor!”
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment