#RussianOil #SanctionsProblems #TankerTales #BloombergSatire #InternationalOops
By: TheJestPress.com
**Russian Oil Tankers Idling Off India Threaten to Form Support Group for Unemployed Ships**
In an unforeseen twist to the ongoing global sanctions thriller, Russian oil tankers have been spotted forming a floating parking lot off the coast of India, much to the concern of seagulls, local fishermen, and the international idle fleet poker league.
After the United States and the European Union amped up their game of “Sanctions, Sanctions, Who’s Got the Oil?” Bloomberg reports that Russian oil tankers have been left circling aimlessly offshore, looking for a country willing to swipe right on their crude. Industry insiders say the tankers are exhibiting signs of existential crisis, with many reportedly considering a career change into cruise ships or floating Airbnbs.
“We haven’t moved in weeks! The GPS thinks we’re a new coral reef,” lamented Captain Igor Driftov of the ‘Vladimir’s Dream’, as he attempted to teach barnacles Russian in his spare time. Nearby ships have begun hosting morale-boosting karaoke nights, while rumors swirl that a “Miss Tanker India” beauty pageant is in the works—judging categories to include ‘Most Resilient Rust’ and ‘Best Use of Emergency Lifeboats for Tomato Farming’.
Meanwhile, local Indian fishermen are unimpressed. “At first we thought it was good luck,” said Rajiv Patel, “but now my net just picks up vodka bottles and questionable playlists of 80s Russian pop.”
The US and EU, for their part, remain firm. “These tankers aren’t going anywhere, and neither is their oil,” said an anonymous EU official, “but should they pivot to becoming giant floating bistros, we would consider allowing halloumi imports.”
Analysts predict the standoff could last until either sanctions relax or the tankers unionize and demand paid vacation in the Mediterranean.
By: TheJestPress.com
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