#Nickelback #CampingFails #BCHumanWildlife #ForestConcert #SatireNews
By: TheJestPress.com
**B.C. Camper Heard Yelling in the Woods Not in Distress, Just Singing Nickelback**
VANCOUVER ISLAND, B.C. – Several overnight hikers in the picturesque wilderness of Goldstream Provincial Park were briefly alarmed late Sunday when what appeared to be desperate cries for help echoed through the forest. “At first, it sounded like someone was calling for rescue,” reported seasoned backpacker Dale Fenton. “But after a few lines, we realized it was actually the lyrics to ‘Photograph’ by Nickelback, very passionately bellowed.”
Park rangers sprang into action after receiving three separate satellite phone calls reporting “tortured howling” and “imploring yodels.” The search and rescue team braced themselves for tragedy, only to encounter 34-year-old Lower Mainland resident Tyler Banks, solo-camping and giving his very best Chad Kroeger impression.
“I just get inspired by nature,” Banks explained, placing his acoustic guitar back in its weathered case. “When you’re out here under the stars, smacking mosquitoes and drinking instant coffee, the only logical thing to do is let loose with a little Nickelback marathon. I knew my voice would carry, but I didn’t think I’d trigger a rescue operation.”
Authorities confirmed there was no emergency. “We appreciate campers wanting to unwind, but we’d prefer songs that don’t prompt immediate concern from wildlife and humans alike,” advised ranger Sue Lamont, who has since requested earplugs as standard-issue equipment.
Black bears were reportedly spotted fleeing the area. Several chipmunks have refused to comment, but sources say “How You Remind Me” is now banned from the park playlist.
Banks has been asked to notify park staff ahead of future “shows” and offered a pamphlet titled “10 Quiet Activities for the Enthusiastic Camper.”
“We get a lot of calls about animal noises,” admitted Lamont, “but nothing really prepares you for a human Nickelback tribute singer in full, outdoor surround sound.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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