#Hashtags: #OilBeBack #TrumpedUpThreats #VladToTheBone #CrudeHumor #DiplomaticDrill
By: TheJestPress.com
**India Will Buy Russian Oil Despite Trump’s Threats, Officials Say**
New Delhi—After a series of all-caps tweets, an angry postcard, and a TikTok dance challenge featuring a cardboard cutout of himself, former President Donald Trump has reportedly threatened India with “big, tremendous consequences” should the country continue buying Russian oil. Despite the barrage, Indian officials have responded with a collective shrug and a surprisingly detailed pie chart demonstrating their total indifference.
“We deeply respect all of President Trump’s threats, past, present, and hypothetical,” said Indian Oil Minister Ravi Barrelwal, while pointing out that his Zoom background featured a yacht floating on crude, “but we find Russian oil to be just the right blend of smooth, affordable, and Vladimir-approved.”
Trump, never one to back down, has floated a number of possible retaliatory measures—including banning all Bollywood films from Mar-a-Lago, naming a Scottish golf hole after the Ganges, and worst of all, threatening to launch a new fragrance: “Covfefe Crude, for the discerning despot.”
When asked about Trump’s influence, an anonymous Indian diplomat replied, “We appreciate Mr. Trump’s advice as much as his hair appreciates the wind.” According to experts, India’s energy needs outweigh its concern for offending former reality TV stars, though a slight drop in Big Mac imports has left the country on fries-only alert.
Meanwhile, Russia welcomed the continued business, with President Putin allegedly sending India a thank you basket featuring vodka, nesting dolls, and a mixtape entitled “Our Oil is Your Oil.”
Representatives for Trump were unavailable for comment, as they were believed to be organizing a rally outside the Delhi branch of the WWE.
At press time, Indian officials had arranged to become “friends with benefits” with whichever superpower shipped the most barrels. As for Trump, he vows to keep oiling up his Twitter feed, one threat at a time.
By: TheJestPress.com
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