#CatBurglar #UnderwearHeist #FelineFelon #NZNews #Meowfia
By: TheJestPress.com
Residents of the sleepy New Zealand town of Woollyshire are reportedly living in fear after a notorious feline felon, known only as Leonardo da Pinchy, embarked on an underwear-stealing spree that has left the community both bemused and breezy.
The cat, believed to be a half-Siamese, half-professional-cat-burglar, has pilfered over 73 pairs of underwear since April, according to Woollyshire’s local Neighborhood Watch Facebook group (which has since rebranded to “Neighborhood Underwear Watch”). Victims have reported mysterious disappearances of undies from washing lines, laundry baskets, and, in one harrowing case, straight out of a dryer mid-spin.
“I’d barely put my boxer shorts on the line before Leonardo whisked them away. He’s a blur of fur and elastic waistbands,” said local resident Dave MacGregor, whose impressive polka-dot collection is now believed to be part of the cat’s secret lair.
Authorities have tried multiple tactics, including setting up decoy laundry, strategic strings of decoy sausages, and one failed sting operation involving a robotic dog. Each time, Leonardo, described by witnesses as “strikingly handsome with an air of arrogant criminal genius,” has eluded capture.
Town officials recommend locals “clutch their knickers and hold their draws,” though Mayor Shirley Plumptree admits efforts to reason with Leonardo have been unsuccessful. “We tried offering him scratch posts and high-end tuna. But all he wants are the briefs.”
Paw prints and bite marks traced back to Leonardo have confirmed what many feared: this is now an international incident, as a pair of “I ❤ Australia” knickers was discovered among the loot.
As the entire community steels itself for a winter with fewer warm undergarments, Leonardo remains at large—somewhere between a laundry line and legend.
By: TheJestPress.com
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