#SpaceRace #FastTrackToSpace #TrafficOnTheISS #AstronautUber #ElonExpress
By: TheJestPress.com
SpaceX made interstellar Amazon Prime look slow this week by delivering four astronauts to the International Space Station (ISS) just 15 hours after launch, setting a new record for “speedy delivery” that left even the universe’s laziest couriers feeling deeply inadequate.
Upon arrival, the astronauts told ISS reception they were “just happy to make it in one piece,” but reportedly seemed disappointed when presented with neither a doorman nor complementary peanuts. “We thought there’d at least be a guy with a clipboard,” said mission specialist Tracy Slingshot, who expected more from “five-star orbital lodging.”
NASA confirmed that the astronauts’ luggage arrived with them, which, frankly, is more than most airlines can promise on Earth. The only reported casualty was a single tube of toothpaste that exceeded the 100ml zero-gravity liquid regulation. “We take no chances,” said Mission Control. “No one wants to float around in minty foam.”
SpaceX CEO Elon Musk took the opportunity to tweet, “Arrived at ISS in just 15 hrs! New record. Next goal: 2-day shipping on Martian colonists. #NextDayDelivery,” confirming that his ultimate goal is to outpace even your neighborhood pizza guy.
Meanwhile, ISS management was reportedly caught off-guard by the astronauts’ early arrival. “We told them check-in was at 12:00 GMT, but they showed up before housekeeping had even finished vacuuming the airlocks,” complained ISS host Jörg “Space Mom” Von Winkle. “Now they’ve seen our socks floating everywhere.”
This accomplishment has caused a stir at Amazon, which reportedly fears SpaceX is encroaching on their “same-day delivery” territory. Bezos was seen frantically scribbling “PrimeRocket” on a napkin, while staffers updated the return policy for “slightly-used astronauts.”
With wait times from Earth to orbit dropping fast, the real winners here might be the aliens eagerly awaiting their packages. As for the rest of us, we’ll just have to keep waiting for Earth pizza to arrive in under 30 minutes—no rocket required.
By: TheJestPress.com
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