#ColumbiaGate #TrademarkTussle #SportswearVsScholars #SueYouLater #IvyLeagueFashion
By: TheJestPress.com
In a move that has left lawyers scratching their heads and trademark examiners Googling “irony,” Columbia Sportswear, the beloved purveyor of slightly overpriced raincoats, filed a lawsuit this week against Columbia University, alleging “egregious and blatant trademark infringement.” Legal experts say this may be the first case in history where a university is accused of stealing the identity of a zip-up fleece vest.
“When people hear ‘Columbia,’ they immediately think of our Omni-Tech™ waterproof hoods, not some 269-year-old Ivy League institution,” said a Columbia Sportswear spokesperson clad in at least five visibly branded articles of clothing. “There’s simply no way to tell if ‘Columbia Professor’ refers to a Nobel laureate or a guy teaching people how to use a fishing vest.”
The complaint details how the university’s frequent use of “Columbia” on sweatshirts, hats, and banners has led to confusion among shoppers. The most damning evidence: a Portland, Oregon man who reportedly tried to pay his Ivy League tuition at a Columbia Sportswear outlet, demanding the “alumni discount”—on socks.
“Next someone will confuse our Research Vessel Jackets with their Nobel Prize ceremonies,” lamented the spokesperson. “Or maybe someone will show up to graduation in hiking boots, which, to be fair, is not the worst idea for the campus lawns.”
Columbia University responded with a statement noting that they “predate moisture-wicking technology by several centuries,” but also announced they will be launching a line of sweat-resistant mortarboards “just in case.”
Fashion insiders predict this feud will be settled by a 5K charity run through Central Park, with bonus points for whoever can spell “omnichannel” correctly.
And if you’re still confused, just remember: One Columbia is where you get rained on, the other helps you avoid it.
By: TheJestPress.com
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