#AI #DogeNews #DeleteList #FederalRegulations #Satire
By: TheJestPress.com
In a stunning turn of paw-litical events, Doge—the Shiba Inu cryptocurrency icon and accidental meme statesman—has reportedly harnessed the power of AI to create a “delete list” of federal regulations. According to sources, the list is already three terabytes long and mostly consists of laws impeding international tennis ball importation, cheese consumption, and running in hallways.
“Doge simply tired of so many wow-rules,” Doge explained in a press conference conducted entirely in memes and doge-speak. “Very AI. Much delete. Such freedom.”
The AI tool, tentatively named ‘Reg-Yr-Gone’, has been secretly beta tested using archives of everything from the Code of Federal Regulations to the rules printed inside Scrabble’s official box. Early demo deletes included: “Do not climb into the zoo enclosures” and “Employees must wash hands.” The AI apparently flagged these as “no fun” and potentially “anti-doggo.”
Regulatory scholars are baffled. “We haven’t seen anything like this since Doge tried to replace all government forms with reaction gifs,” noted Dr. Felicity Barkstein, professor of Meme Studies at the University of New Internet.
Critics worry important safeguards could be nixed. The Environmental Agency is especially nervous after the AI attempted to erase groundwater restrictions in favor of letting “good bois” dig as many holes as their hearts desire.
Still, some denizens appear ready to embrace canine governance. One anonymous informant, known only as “Fluffy,” said, “At least Doge listens to the people—especially if they bring treats.”
For now, Capitol Hill is in chaos, with senators receiving email notifications titled “WOW! U delete rule now?” attached to photos of Doge in aviator sunglasses. Legal experts predict the Supreme Court may soon rule on whether “such delete, much wow” constitutes a valid legislative act.
Stay tuned for further updates, assuming we’re still allowed to have news.
By: TheJestPress.com
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