#WKRPForever #80sNostalgia #SatireNews #RestInPink #NotSoBreakingNews
By: TheJestPress.com
America is collectively sighing and trying to adjust their Farrah Fawcett hairpieces today after reports that iconic 1980s actress Loni Anderson—of “WKRP in Cincinnati” fame—has allegedly died. Or maybe she hasn’t. Who can keep up anymore? Sources close to Anderson say she’s actually just taking a nap and wishes everyone would stop calling her “the Ghost of Christmas Past.”
Rumors began swirling faster than Herb Tarlek’s slapstick suits after someone on Twitter posted, “RIP Loni Anderson, gone to that radio station in the sky.” It was retweeted approximately 3 million times by people who still think Bon Jovi is dead. An official statement from Loni Anderson’s representatives clarified, “Loni is fine! She’s just binge-watching WKRP reruns and ignoring her phone, like the rest of us.”
Nevertheless, makeshift memorials have appeared outside dozens of Cincinnati radio stations, most of which have not been relevant since disco died. A commemorative showing of “WKRP in Cincinnati” at the local Elks Lodge was tragically cut short when attendees realized nobody remembered how to operate a VCR.
The confusion has left Anderson’s fans grappling with an existential crisis. “If Loni’s dead, what’s left of the ’80s?” lamented one devotee, clutching a VHS tape of “Stroker Ace” and weeping softly into her Aqua Net.
Meanwhile, Anderson herself was reached for comment, stating, “I’m not dead, I’m just social distancing from reality. Also, can someone help me set up TikTok?”
Whether she’s alive, undead, or simply lost in a haze of nostalgia, one thing is clear: Loni Anderson, like a great feathered hairstyle, will always live on in our hearts—even if your news feed says otherwise.
By: TheJestPress.com
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