#GasBigAgain #PutinPipelineParty #EuroGasGlowUp #FuelingTheFun #PipelinePanache
By: TheJestPress.com
**Russian Gas Exports to Europe Surge 37% in July, Putin Declares “Hot Girl Summer” for Pipelines**
In an unexpected twist to the ever-dramatic European energy saga, new data reveals that Russian pipeline gas exports to Europe skyrocketed by a staggering 37% in July. Industry experts and confused citizens alike were left asking, “Wait, so is it the Cold War, a price war, or just a really enthusiastic prenup?”
Sources say Moscow is celebrating the surge with what insiders are calling a “Pipeline Pride Parade,” featuring gas-themed floats and a special performance by DJ Gazprom. President Vladimir Putin was seen waving from atop a pipeline-shaped limousine while shouting, “Who said we were nobody’s type? Look at these numbers, baby!”
Meanwhile, European governments were spotted working feverishly on what one official called “Operation Selective Memory,” explaining, “We definitely imposed those sanctions. Our gas meters must just have a sense of humor.”
European citizens reacted to the announcement by collectively Googling “How to say thank you in Russian but also not really.” Meanwhile, Nord Stream memes once again trended on social platforms, with fans noting, “The only pipeline we can’t cancel.”
German Chancellor Olaf Scholz remarked, “Obviously, we’re only buying gas ironically now.” When asked if Europe’s energy transition was in trouble, French President Emmanuel Macron responded, “No, no, no—it’s just a really elaborate detour. Like walking to the fridge, but through Russia.”
UK residents, not wanting to miss the fun, have started hosting “Pipeline Parties,” where the only source of warmth is the awkward silence when someone brings up the phrase “energy independence.”
In other news, the World Bank is considering adding “hope” as a new official European energy source.
Stay tuned as next month’s numbers threaten to turn Europe’s next Eurovision host into Gazprom.
By: TheJestPress.com
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