#Satire #SydneyHarbourBridge #ProtestRain #AussieUmbrellas #WetFeetSolidarity
By: TheJestPress.com
**90,000 Sydney Protesters Prove Umbrellas Stronger Than Government Policy**
Sydney, AU — In an event described by meteorologists as “defying all personal comfort,” an estimated 90,000 people courageously walked across the Sydney Harbour Bridge in pouring rain, uniting for a pro-Palestinian protest and, coincidentally, the unofficial Guinness World Record for the largest synchronized instance of sock-soaking in the Southern Hemisphere.
Participants braved the deluge armed with umbrellas, ponchos, plastic bags, and an almost suspicious number of those disposable raincoats that usually only get used at outdoor music festivals. One protestor, still wringing three liters of rainwater from her left Birkenstock, told reporters: “Yes, my sign was illegible by the midpoint, but I walked for a cause. Now, if only someone had protested for decent drainage on the bridge!”
City officials, meanwhile, expressed concern that the bridge, long believed to be steel, might now, due to sheer exposure, become the first monument in history to rust entirely out of political solidarity. “We’re not saying this bridge is slippery when wet,” said a spokesperson, “but several kangaroos have boogie-boarded across it in less chaotic weather.”
Vendors set up along the bridge, anticipating a peaceful march, quickly pivoted from offering bottled water to hawking blow dryers, towels, and—ingeniously—fake mustaches to help protesters recognize each other after mascara-related facial incidents.
Organizers celebrated the turnout, emphasizing that the weather only highlighted the commitment of attendees. “If 90,000 people can stand together in this rain,” one speechmaker proclaimed, “imagine what we could achieve with a reliable weekly forecast and some government accountability!”
As the crowd dispersed, Sydney residents were just glad the protest didn’t end with a mass tug-of-war using a 10-meter drenched banner—nobody needed another reason for the city’s laundry to never dry.
By: TheJestPress.com
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