#UnwantedHamsters #DenmarkZoo #PredatorPets #FidoForFood #SatireNews
By: TheJestPress.com
Denmark Zoo Asks People to Donate Unwanted Pets as Fine Dining for Its Predators
In a country already well-known for its pastries, bikes, and questionable TV dramas, Denmark has just launched its boldest initiative yet: telling pet owners, “If you don’t want Fluffy, our lions probably will!” Denmark’s (probably soon-to-be-famous) GulliblePark Zoo has officially asked the public to donate unwanted pets as fresh, organic meals for their predators, because “kibble is so 2023.”
“Our magnificent tigers were growing tired of bland chicken and ethically-sourced Cap’n Crunch,” said Zoo Head Chef (or maybe Director) Lars Smørgensen. “Frankly, when someone dumps a pet python or rabbit on our doorstep, the food chain works itself out.”
According to the zoo’s official press release, previously owned hamsters, parakeets, and even the occasional goldfish are now considered “enrichment opportunities” for hungry carnivores with sophisticated palates. “We believe it’s important for animals to experience variety,” said zookeeper Mads Døwnsbøurg. “Plus, it’s Denmark. We recycle everything.”
Some, however, have criticized the zoo, with one animal rights activist accusing them of turning the donation box into a “drive-thru for lions.” In response, the zoo has painted large, colorful signs: “Don’t need your iguana? Our leopards do!”
The program’s popularity surged after one child, tired of cleaning after “Bitey the Ferret,” realized he could finally get both a clean cage at home and an exciting story for show-and-tell.
Not wanting to be outdone, zoos across Europe are now considering similar campaigns, with Berlin promising a “Bring us your ex’s cat, get a free bratwurst” weekend.
One can only wonder which animal will become the zoo’s most-requested dish.
Disclaimer: No pets were actually harmed in writing this article, but one goldfish did give us a judgmental stare.
By: TheJestPress.com
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