#SatiricalNews #BreakingMeows #TinyPetsBigDinner #NotSoFurryFriends #HarshFoodChain
By: TheJestPress.com
**Denmark Zoo Asks People to Donate Small Pets as “Enriching” Predator Meals; Local Hamsters Sleep with One Eye Open**
In a move that has both bewildered animal lovers and thrilled bored lions, the Copenhagen Carnivore Center has issued a plea unlike any before: They’re asking the public to donate their “surplus small pets” to serve as “locally-sourced, emotionally enriching food” for their predator collection.
“We’ve always promoted sustainable living,” said Zookeeper Birgitte Hansen, adjusting her name badge shaped like a ferret. “Deep down, every goldfish is just a sushi platter waiting to fulfill its destiny. Why should Fluffy the gerbil be denied the honor of natural selection?”
The zoo has even released a helpful list of “desirable” entrees including hamsters, gerbils, parakeets, and fish “with a nice marbling.” Guinea pigs, they noted, pair best with a nice chianti.
Pet owners across Denmark are reportedly clutching their geriatric chinchillas in horror. “I’ve started putting tiny iron bars on Cookie’s cage,” said local resident Elsabeth Jensen. “If someone wants to turn him into a ferret’s amuse-bouche, they’ll have to go through me first.”
Zookeepers insist that every donation will receive a personalized “Thank You Paw-Print,” along with a keepsake photo of their former friend’s joyous, final chase. “It’s the full-circle experience!” Hansen exclaimed, holding up a thank-you card signed “Rawr.”
Vegans, meanwhile, have proposed a counter-campaign, donating only their organic carrots. Unfortunately, the zoo’s tigers were unimpressed and instead used them as chew toys.
With more and more zoos around the globe seeking “eco-conscious” alternatives, experts warn your childhood pets aren’t safe from the food chain anymore. As a precaution, small pet owners are advised to invest in camouflage capes and develop strong, heartfelt goodbyes… just in case your furry legacy becomes the main course at next Saturday’s Lion Luncheon.
By: TheJestPress.com
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