#ElonInTheMoney #TeslaTreasureHunt #PayDayMusk #SuperSizeThatStock #CashRocket
By: TheJestPress.com
In a move that shocked absolutely no one except maybe his accountant, Tesla CEO Elon Musk has been awarded a modest $29 billion pay package — or, as Musk refers to it, “enough for half a Mars colony, maybe.”
Tesla shareholders approved the whopping compensation, citing Musk’s tireless devotion to groundbreaking projects like self-driving cars, flamethrowers, and tweeting memes at 3 a.m. “Elon’s contributions have truly electrified the auto industry,” said one board member, “and we wanted to show our appreciation in a way that would make Jeff Bezos feel a tad insecure.”
The announcement has already had global ramifications. The mayor of a small European country reportedly sent Musk a LinkedIn request. The U.S. Treasury Department briefly considered asking him for a loan. And SpaceX interns have updated their Venmo descriptions to “Elon, just one Tesla, please.”
According to financial experts, Musk’s pay package is composed primarily of stock options, fine print, and hope. “Technically, Elon won’t get all this money right away,” explained one analyst. “He has to do things like keep Tesla the most valuable car company and launch at least three new memes a week. It’s in the contract.”
Meanwhile, a handful of regular Tesla employees gathered in the company parking lot to celebrate. “We’re hoping Elon will buy us pizza with his bonus,” said one engineer, already checking his inbox for a “Pizza Party!!!” subject line.
When asked about the award, Musk tweeted an image of a golden rocket, a dancing dog, and a potato wearing sunglasses, followed by the cryptic statement, “$29B? LFG Mars.”
Industry insiders remain divided over whether this pay package is “a bold vision for capitalism” or simply “the plot of the next Iron Man movie.” Either way, Elon’s bank account has now officially surpassed the GDP of several actual countries— which he may soon try to purchase.
By: TheJestPress.com
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