#Hashtags: #CrimeaComedy #DroneDrama #SovietSurplus #AirForceOops #JetSettersGoneWild
By: TheJestPress.com
In a plot twist more shocking than finding a functional seatbelt on a Soviet-era airline, sources confirm that five Russian fighter jets have just been upgraded—straight to “out of commission”—thanks to a surprise Ukrainian drone operation in occupied Crimea.
The operation, orchestrated by the SBU (Ukraine’s Security Service), reportedly resulted in five Russian jets realizing too late that “no-fly zone” doesn’t refer to airspace, but rather their own cracked windshields and crispy tailpipes in the parking lot.
Witnesses say the attack unfolded in classic Ukrainian style: a squadron of drones disguised as souvenir matryoshka dolls swooped in during nap time, proving once again that the pen might be mightier than the sword, but a drone with explosives is king of charades.
Russian officials initially tried to downplay the incident. “It was merely an unexpected maintenance drill,” claimed one spokesperson while hastily reworking the fleet’s definition of ‘combat ready’ to include lawn ornaments. The affected jets, meanwhile, have applied for early retirement and requested to be displayed in the soon-to-open Museum of Modern Ukrainian Performance Art.
Moscow’s air force morale is reportedly lower than the ruble during a sanctions sale. Pilots are now requesting weather balloons instead of jets, citing “fewer moving parts and most clouds don’t explode.”
Meanwhile, the SBU is said to be test-marketing their “Crimean Cluster Combo”—5 jets down for the price of none! All proceeds go toward keeping Ukrainian engineers awake for a third consecutive year.
At press time, Russian generals were seen at local flea markets looking for “gently used aircraft” and a sign reading, “Do Not Feed The Drones.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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