#Satire #SkeletonBrother #BreakingBones #HostageNews #TheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
**He is a Human Skeleton, Brother of Gaza Hostage Reveals in Emotional Interview**
In a shocking and thoroughly calcium-rich interview with the BBC, Avi David, brother of Gaza hostage Evyatar David, delivered a revelation that rocked the international community ― and the medical community’s understanding of basic human anatomy.
“He is a human skeleton,” Avi declared somberly. “When I got the WhatsApp photo, I could see all 206 bones. Even the tiny ones in the ear. I thought he joined the cast of a biology textbook.”
The Israel Defense Forces, upon learning of this new classification, immediately changed Evyatar’s status to “Missing: Avoid strong winds.” Meanwhile, Halloween stores across Europe have reported a run on paperback copies of “Captivity for Dummies” and novelty bone glue.
Political leaders reacted swiftly. “We urge the hostages’ captors to provide immediate nutritional supplements, at least a carton of chocolate milk and some multivitamins,” said the UN Human Rights Council, while also expressing concern that Evyatar might be at risk of assembling into a terrifying stop-motion animation at any moment.
Medical experts were equally puzzled. “If he’s truly just a skeleton, this could rewrite the boundaries of human endurance,” said Dr. Tina O’Bone, lead researcher at the Institute for Bare Bones Survival. “We recommend immediate X-rays, just to be sure he hasn’t been swapped with a medical school prop.”
When reached for comment, Evyatar’s captors responded, “We will try to fatten him up, but Amazon Prime does not deliver to Gaza. Our only option is falafel and whatever stray cat food we find.”
As the world waits for updates, Evyatar’s brother has launched a GoFundMe to buy his sibling “enough protein powder to reconstruct a few organs.” Stay tuned as this story continues to rattle the bones of international relations.
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment