#TrumpTariffsAgain #IndiaOilDrama #RussiaFuelFiasco #WorldTradeWoes #TheJestPress
By: TheJestPress.com
In a move designed to keep both economic experts and late-night comedians gainfully employed, former President Donald Trump declared that he will “substantially” raise tariffs on India—unless, of course, they stop shopping in Vladimir Putin’s Bargain Basement Oil Bonanza.
Speaking from a golf cart somewhere between the 11th hole and a nearby snack shack, Trump told an enthusiastic audience of squirrels and Secret Service agents, “India keeps buying oil from Russia at great prices. Huge prices. The best prices, frankly. That’s very unfair to us. If I’m back in charge, those tariffs are going up. Way up. Double. Maybe triple. Maybe even quadruple—I don’t do math, but it’ll be tremendous.”
The announcement has sent shockwaves through international markets, causing a brief spike in the price of curry-flavored gasoline futures and leaving American importers of Bollywood DVDs visibly shaken. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi is reportedly unfazed, stating, “We buy oil where the masala is right. If Trump raises tariffs, I’ll just invite him to my next yoga summit. It calms everyone down, sooner or later.”
U.S. business leaders are, predictably, split. Some are concerned about the potential price increase on imported software engineers, while others are hoping the move will finally convince their children that those college economics classes were not, in fact, a waste of time.
Trump, for his part, has assured the world that his tariff strategy is airtight. “We’re going to tax them so hard, they will beg to buy Texan oil—oil so American, it comes with a free trucker hat. Watch. It’ll be beautiful.”
Meanwhile, Russia responded by throwing a “Buy One Get One Free” oil sale and sending a care package of caviar, vodka, and an “I ❤️ Sanctions” T-shirt to the White House.
#TrumpTariffsAgain #IndiaOilDrama #RussiaFuelFiasco #WorldTradeWoes #TheJestPress
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