#BirdsOnStrike #NatureLayoffs #MissingTweeters #FeatheredFurlough #AvianEconomyCrash
By: TheJestPress.com
AMERICA—It seems the birds are flying south and not looking back. A recent report confirmed what many have already noticed: those chirpy little creatures who used to serenade us at 5 a.m. are staging a mass exit. In fact, the US has lost nearly three billion birds since the 1970s, and it’s not because they’ve taken up remote work in Costa Rica. Sources blame “habitat loss,” but we suspect some of them are just tired of competing with TikTokers for attention.
More than one-third of North American bird species are now threatened, putting the nation’s supply of roadside serenades and cartoon sidekicks at dire risk. European birds aren’t singing a different tune, either. Ornithologists report similar disappearances, except in France, where pigeons have unionized and now demand baguettes in exchange for dropping “gifts” on statues.
America’s average robin is now considering career changes. “I used to wake up, catch worms, sing a bit, and poop on some freshly washed cars,” confessed local bird Robin Redbreast. “Now there’s no yard, no worms, and I’m forced to use LinkedIn to find gigs starring in coffee commercials.”
And it’s not just birds vanishing—entomologists say common insects are following suit, though the mosquito lobby fiercely denies this, pointing out record attendance at recent neighborhood BBQs. Meanwhile, bees have moved to Canada in protest, citing “better healthcare and less drama.”
Experts urge policy changes, but a coalition of birdhouses, bug hotels, and slightly used butterfly nets are already working on a multi-species comeback tour, “Now That’s What I Call Nature, Vol. 2024!”
Until then, Americans are advised to set their alarm clocks, as the “Dawn Chorus” may soon require a $19.99 monthly subscription.
By: TheJestPress.com
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