#PetDonationDepot #NaturalSelection #ZooLife #FoodChainUpgrade #FurReal
By: TheJestPress.com
In a move sure to ruffle feathers, wag tails, and send hamsters into existential crisis, the Denmark Smørrebrød Zoo announced a bold new conservation initiative: Accepting unwanted pets to feed their hungry predators and “replicate the natural food chain.”
Zoo spokesperson Lars Bæredygtig explained, “We realized there’s an untapped supply of misbehaving guinea pigs, goldfish named ‘Mom’s Mistake,’ and parakeets performing at 3 a.m. No need for Craigslist rehomings or sneaking Fluffy into the neighbor’s flowerbed. Instead, bring them here and let nature—well, our bored lions—do the rest!”
The zoo’s new “Eco-Chum” program encourages Danes to schedule drop-offs for pets that “accidentally” chewed a phone charger or learned to bark exclusively during Zoom calls. Upon donation, owners can select a “Feeding Experience Tier,” ranging from “Subtle Nighttime Snack” to “Front Row Circle of Life: With Complimentary Popcorn.”
Local reactions are mixed. Twelve-year-old Bolette Nørregaard mulled whether to donate her hamster, Squeaky, citing “circle of life stuff,” until learning he’d be served to an owl. “He always wanted to see the world. Maybe just…not from inside an owl,” Bolette said, reconsidering.
Zoo volunteers have started crafting tiny pet biography tags to offer a “personal touch,” so Squeaky the hamster’s heroic escape from the laundry basket may be immortalized—right before he becomes ‘Nature’s Appetizer.’
Animal rights groups are howling in protest. “This turns pets into entrees!” wailed Lars Meowersen of the group ‘Paws Before Jaws.’ The zoo countered by offering group rates for households “dealing with too many bunnies from that unfortunate Easter.”
Zoo visitors, meanwhile, can barely contain their morbid curiosity. Tickets for the “Totally Not a Trauma Experience” are already sold out, with lines forming at the “Goodbye, Garfield” drop-off zone.
At press time, the local pet goldfish union was reportedly planning to unionize, citing unsafe working—er, swimming—conditions.
By: TheJestPress.com
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