#BreakingNews #Satire #MSSorryNotSorry #TransRights #CustomerServiceFails
By: TheJestPress.com
**M&S Issues Heartfelt Apology After Employee Does Literally Anything**
In yet another shocking installment of “2024 Needs a Nap,” British retailer Marks & Spencer (M&S) has issued a groveling apology after a woman was left emotionally shaken when a “trans” employee dared to politely offer customer service.
The incident, which unfolded in the unforgiving battleground of an Oxfordshire lingerie aisle, has since gone viral—mainly because the woman immediately stormed onto social media, armed with 37 exclamation marks and a deep-rooted fear of helpfulness.
According to her impassioned nine-paragraph Facebook post, the woman was just minding her own (and everyone else’s) business when a staff member, identified only as “someone not looking exactly like I expect,” kindly inquired if she needed assistance. The woman’s account details the horror: “I was approached in a friendly, non-threatening way—I could have DIED.”
M&S responded swiftly with a statement: “We’re so sorry our employees keep talking to customers. We promise to train all staff to stand silently in the corner and stare at their shoes until it is safe to interact with the public.”
Inside sources reveal M&S is now rolling out an exclusive range of “Safe Customer Zones,” equipped with cardboard cutouts of cisgendered staff that only offer help when activated by a series of secret winks.
Meanwhile, the “trans” employee offered a dignified response: “I just asked if she’d like a fitting room. Next time, I’ll try interpretive dance.”
When asked if she’d return to M&S, the woman declared, “Only if I can bring a form to verify my shop assistant’s chromosomes. Or maybe just shop online—it’s safer when the only thing that tries to help me is an algorithm.”
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s breaking news: Woman alarmed after Apple store employee breathes in her general direction.
By: TheJestPress.com
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