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By: TheJestPress.com
**Scientists Announce: “Stress Granule Clearance” Might Finally Get Your Ovaries To Chill Out**
In a headline more confusing than your aunt’s Facebook memes, researchers have now proven that “stress granule clearance mediated by V-ATPase-interacting protein NCOA7 mitigates ovarian aging.” Translation: Your ovaries are finally about to get some professional-quality decluttering, courtesy of a protein named after the world’s most confusing Wi-Fi password.
For years, women everywhere have wondered: Is it possible to get ovaries that are less—well—tired? Science has answered: Maybe, but only if we organize your cellular junk drawer with NCOA7, a protein previously known for losing on Wheel of Fortune.
Apparently, when ovaries get stressed, they start collecting “granules”—tiny bundles of molecular anxiety. It’s kind of like that time you went through a breakup and started collecting candle jars and scented soaps. These granules make the ovaries age faster, presumably because of all the drama and group texts.
Enter V-ATPase-interacting protein NCOA7—the Marie Kondo of your reproductive system. This protein ‘mediates clearance’ of the granules, tidying the place up and, according to researchers, “mitigating ovarian aging.” If only NCOA7 also worked on ironing the crow’s feet around your eyes or erasing regrets from your 20s.
When asked for comment, NCOA7 shrugged, saying, “I just like things neat.” V-ATPase, however, simply replied with a series of beeps, demanding a firmware update.
The pharmaceutical industry is already on it, with early slogans including: “Don’t Stress, NCOA7’s Got This Mess!” and “Marie Kondo, Eat Your Heart Out—This Protein Folds More Than Socks.”
The future is clear—at least if you’re an ovary. Watch for more science breakthroughs, like “self-cleaning kidneys” or “Dopamine Roombas.” Until then, try to keep your stress granules (and scented candle jars) to a minimum.
By: TheJestPress.com
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