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#Satire #NYCNews #ModelsOfDestruction #FashionCrime #BeautyAndTheBlade

By: TheJestPress.com

In a turn of events that only New York City—or perhaps a particularly dramatic episode of “Law & Order: SVU”—could deliver, model Giselle Stabbington was arrested Tuesday after her husband, Eugene Stabbington, 42, was found stabbed in their Manhattan apartment.

Police say the incident unraveled after neighbors reported suspicious noises, loud arguing, and the unmistakable cry, “You call THAT a runway walk?” at 2 a.m. Upon arrival, officers discovered Eugene lying on the floor, surrounded by a suspiciously well-arranged pool of blood, and what crime scene investigators described as “a murder scene that really pops on Instagram.”

Witnesses told reporters they often heard the couple fighting about standard fashion issues—Instagram followers, kale chip cravings, and who gets the last bottle of LaCroix. “I always knew something like this would happen when he mixed up Prada and Prada Sport. That was the final season,” said one neighbor, wiping away a tear and adjusting her own oversized sunglasses.

Police say that Giselle, arrested while touching up her eyeliner, claimed innocence, stating, “I don’t even eat carbs, let alone stab them! Wait, what’s a carb?”

The murder weapon, a limited-edition Chanel bread knife, was recovered from the scene. The fashion world is already asking if a new accessory trend is about to start. “Metallics were in this season, but knifewear? That’s bold. That’s disruptive,” said Vogue crime correspondent Chip Bludgeon.

Fans of the accused model have begun trending #FreeGiselle, positing unconfirmed theories that Eugene was a “fashion saboteur” who met his end after laboriously confusing linen and cotton blends.

Giselle’s lawyer issued a statement: “Our client did not kill Eugene, although she admits to breaking his spirit with superior cheekbones.” The court date is next month, with the prosecutor warning, “She’s facing hard time—at Rikers AND Fashion Week.”

Stay tuned for updates as TheJestPress.com models justice—one cutting remark at a time.