#SpaceBBQ #MoonReactor #LunarLounge #AtomicAldrin #NASAorNah
By: TheJestPress.com
**U.S. to Fast-Track Nuclear Reactor on the Moon, Neighbors on Mars Send Noise Complaint**
In a press conference that definitely didn’t feel like the plot of a ‘90s video game, U.S. officials announced their boldest move yet: plans to fast-track a nuclear reactor on the Moon. The goal? To finally give astronauts the ability to microwave popcorn in under two minutes without that annoying delay Earth’s solar power causes.
White House officials assure us that the lunar reactor will provide much-needed electricity, not just for “science,” but for critical research like Space Karaoke Night and powering the new Tesla Moon Rover (which can allegedly go from 0 to 60 crater jumps per hour).
NASA’s lead engineer, Dr. Tess LaFission, excitedly revealed blueprints featuring safety measures. “Absolutely, the reactor has a lid. We learned our lesson after the great microwaved burrito explosion of Mars Base Alpha,” she said, reassuringly.
But not everyone is happy. The Mars Colonists’ Association immediately faxed a strongly-worded letter stating, “If you keep having wild nuclear parties next door, at least invite us. Our cable’s been out for three Sols.” Meanwhile, the International Lunar Residents’ Association (ILRA) voiced concerns that the new reactor could disrupt the “natural cheese-aging process of the Moon” and potentially “turn the dark side into one giant Glow Stick.”
Elon Musk weighed in via tweet, promising to build a competing reactor that runs entirely on Dogecoin. China has countered with plans for a “totally bigger” sun-powered disco ball. Russia says it’s already secretly installed a samovar.
When asked about safety protocols, officials stated, “If anything happens, we’ll just send Bruce Willis. Again.”
The lunar reactor is scheduled to break ground once the U.S. can figure out where the Moon’s ground actually begins. Until then, space tourists can look forward to “Lunar Reactor: The Ride” at Disney’s upcoming Outer SpaceLand.
By: TheJestPress.com
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