#ConstitutionGone #NowYouSeeIt #HistoricOops #CongressDotWhoops #FoundingFears
By: TheJestPress.com
WASHINGTON D.C. — A curious thing happened Wednesday morning when thousands of amateur historians, law students, and lost 8th graders reported that Sections 9 and 10 of the U.S. Constitution had vanished without a trace from Congress.gov. Initial reactions ranged from “Huh? Did I hit refresh wrong?” to “I knew this would happen when they migrated to the cloud.”
Sections 9 and 10, well-known to anyone with a Wikipedia tab open, cover important limitations on federal and state powers, and have been classic crowd-pleasers at Constitution trivia nights nationwide. The digital vanishing has left many wondering: Is this the result of a Russian cyberattack, a Supreme Court typo, or simply Congress accidentally hitting ‘delete’ while searching for the ‘undo gerrymandering’ button?
Experts in constitutional law rushed to comment on cable news, with Professor M. I. N. Ority from the Imaginary Institute stating, “If we keep losing sections at this rate, by 2030 we’ll be down to a pamphlet and a footnote that just says, ‘Good luck!’”
Congress, for its part, released a statement: “We take all missing content seriously and hope to locate it before our next three-day weekend. In the meantime, please enjoy the remaining sections, and remember, abridged Constitutions save storage space.” Staffers later revealed that the technical team had been experimenting with “Constitution NFT editions” and may have accidentally minted the missing sections out of existence.
The Supreme Court declined to comment, as they were busy debating whether clause deletion constitutes an originalist interpretation.
At press time, a new link to “Sections 9 and 10 (Now With Fewer Rights!)” appeared on Congress.gov, but it just redirected to a Rick Astley music video.
Constitutional scholars remain vigilant, warning, “If you notice Section 1 winking at you, clear your browser cache and pray to James Madison.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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