#Brazil #Lula #TrumpTariffs #GlobalPolitics #Satire
By: TheJestPress.com
In a shocking turn of diplomatic events, President Lula of Brazil has steadfastly refused to call former U.S. President Donald Trump to negotiate the newly imposed 50% tariffs on Brazilian exports, citing a chronic case of “phone fatigue” and his recent discovery of WhatsApp’s block function.
When asked if he’d open the lines for a friendly chat, Lula shrugged and responded, “Listen, I already have too many people sending me good morning memes. Besides, Trump always wants to talk about golf or American steaks. Frankly, I’m a picanha man.”
Instead of dusting off his American-English phrasebook, Lula announced that Brazil would be strengthening its bromance with Indian PM Narendra Modi 🇮🇳 and Chinese President Xi Jinping 🇨🇳. “Modi’s got the curry, Xi’s got pandas and microchips, and best of all—none of them have tried to build a wall around Brazil,” Lula declared, sipping a suspiciously non-Starbucks coffee.
Inside sources say that Bolsonaro, Lula’s predecessor, tried to intervene by offering Trump free tickets to Carnival, but Trump allegedly replied, “Can’t. Too busy golfing and fighting court cases. But tell Lula I like the Amazon as much as I love Amazon Prime.”
Meanwhile, the U.S. attempted to soothe relations by sending a care package of frozen hot dogs, which unfortunately melted in Rio and were auctioned off as “authentic American cuisine” at a luxury Copacabana resort.
As trade talks stall, Lula has proposed a new international alliance dubbed “BRIC-Commerce: Now With More Spices,” with hopes of creating a tariff-free zone where caipirinhas, samosas, and dumplings flow like diplomacy should.
Pressed further on if he’d ever call Trump, Lula clarified, “Only if my WhatsApp group with Xi and Modi goes silent. Or maybe if I get a gold-plated iPhone.”
Stay tuned for updates—or just follow Brazil’s new TikTok channel for memes and samba diplomacy.
Leave a comment