#Satire #WomenInSTEM #MachineLearning #PolicyProblems #GlassCeiling
By: TheJestPress.com
**Groundbreaking Machine Learning Study Reveals: Women in Science Policy Still Outnumbered by Conference Lanyards**
A new mega-study using advanced machine learning has bravely crunched numbers across 60 countries to answer mankind’s greatest quandary since “Why is the printer always broken?”—**just how many women are in science, technology, and innovation policy roles?** The results? Let’s just say, there are more unicorn-themed coffee mugs in STEM offices than women leading innovation policy.
The study, performed by a team of scientists who met on LinkedIn Premium, concludes that **quotas are about as effective as putting a diversity sticker on a lab coat**. “Quotas get women in the room,” explained Dr. Algorithmia Statistica, “but they don’t get them near the thermostat, let alone the policy decisions.”
“It turns out,” the researchers lament, “that successfully doing science, or even inventing something cool like the left-handed Bunsen burner, does not automatically qualify as ‘good enough’ to sign off on national policy.” In a shocking revelation, the study found that several men named Greg with absolutely no scientific qualification are more likely to lead a panel on ‘Women in Tech’ than Rebecca, who literally invented WiFi 2.0.
Machine learning models even detected spikes in “mansplaining per minute” whenever women tried to bring up actual data during policy discussions.
“It’s amazing,” said Dr. Statistica, “We taught the model to distinguish between constructive feedback and being interrupted with ‘Well, actually…’ by someone who once watched a TED Talk on innovation.”
Researchers ultimately concluded that, despite quotas, progress in representation is best described as “moving at the speed of a Windows 95 update.” When asked for recommendations, the team proposed, “More than quotas: perhaps try a system where actually knowing what you’re talking about is the new trend in science policy.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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