#Satire #MilitaryDrills #SouthKorea #USNews #WorldPeace
By: TheJestPress.com
**South Korea, US Joint Drills Announced; Pyongyang Immediately Books Hiding Spots on Airbnb**
SEOUL—In a dazzling annual tradition that excites nobody within missile range, the United States and South Korea have announced major joint military drills set to begin on August 18th. Codenamed “Exercise: Someone Will Definitely Complain,” this year’s festivities promise to be extra spicy, with U.S. officials confirming the inclusion of “serious facial expressions” and “occasional coffee breaks.”
While Pentagon officials emphasized these drills are “purely defensive,” a leaked itinerary revealed the event also includes a TikTok choreography contest and a workshop on how to politely wave at North Korean drones. South Korean defense spokesperson Choi Sun-ju assured, “These drills are vital for regional security and for making our soldiers look super cool in their Instagram selfies.”
North Korea, in response, has raised absolutely zero suspicions by ordering 47 crates of fireworks, 800 scary announcement posters, and several tons of confetti—ostensibly for “Totally Normal Independence Day, Not A Missile Test.” Pyongyang’s state media denounced the exercises, describing them as “theatrical provocations.” U.S. Gen. Rick Drone enthusiastically agreed: “Yes, it’s all basically theater! We’re doing Shakespeare in Camo: ‘To Drill or Not to Drill.’”
Meanwhile, Airbnb reported a mysterious surge of bookings for deep mountain caves in the region. One listing, “Cozy Hidden Bunker with Hot Plate and Netflix Login,” is apparently rated 5 stars by “Definitely Not Kim Jong-un.”
As locals prepare for weeks filled with helicopter flyovers and the soothing sounds of simulated explosions, both nations’ governments have confirmed the goal is to “strengthen their alliance,” “maintain regional peace,” and, if possible, “spend every last cent of the 2024 defense budget.”
The only real casualty so far? Seoul’s annual outdoor karaoke contest, now canceled due to ‘minor’ jet noise.
By: TheJestPress.com
Leave a comment