#Satire #January6th #DOJ #FakeNews #ViralVideo
By: TheJestPress.com
WASHINGTON, D.C. — The Department of Justice went into full crisis mode yesterday after a grainy, six-second video surfaced on social media, allegedly showing a senior DOJ official yelling, “Kill the cops!” at January 6 rioters. Although the video appears to be from a 2003 Limp Bizkit concert, this did not stop certain corners of the internet from believing its authenticity.
Within minutes, “#DOJKillSwitch” was trending on X, Parler, and Grandma Martha’s Facebook group “AMERICAN PATRIOTS WITH QUESTIONS.” The video, which has now been slowed down, color-corrected, and over-analyzed by bored YouTubers everywhere, prompted calls for investigations, resignations, and, confusingly, a new Limp Bizkit reunion tour.
Attorney General Merrick Garland felt compelled to address the nation: “At no point did anyone from the Department of Justice encourage violence on January 6. Also, none of us ever attended a Limp Bizkit concert. We didn’t even do it for the nookie.”
Conspiracy theorists were undeterred. “You see the way his mouth moves? That’s government for ‘let’s mosh into the Capitol!’” insisted Clive Honkerson, who hasn’t left his basement since 2020. “The DOJ has been orchestrating secret riots since the Boston Tea Party, and they hate cops — except when it’s time for parking tickets.”
A DOJ spokesperson clarified the situation, explaining, “The so-called ‘official’ is actually a blurry picture of Guy Fieri painted onto a Slim Jim wrapper. Please stop emailing us in ALL CAPS.”
Meanwhile, several lawmakers called for immediate hearings, if only to find out what exactly a Limp Bizkit is. Fred Durst, for his part, said in a statement, “Keep my name out your mouth, Washington.”
As usual, public outrage lasted just long enough for someone to leak a new “lost” Epstein flight log.
By: TheJestPress.com
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