#WaterYouDoing #IndusGone #DeltaDraught #H2OhNo #SatireSplash
By: TheJestPress.com
KARACHI – Environmental experts reported this week that 80% of freshwater flow into Pakistan’s once-proud Indus delta has dramatically dried up, causing the forced migration of over 1.2 million people—or, as the Ministry of Change Denial termed it, “an extreme form of water aerobics.”
Local fisherman Allah Ditta shared, “I still remember when these waters ran deep. Now if you want to go fishing, you need hiking boots and the patience to ask a crab for directions.”
Government officials, however, have declared the crisis, “an inspiring opportunity for adaptive sports and real estate development.” In fact, Pakistan’s new “Build-Your-Own-Delta” housing scheme is attracting world-class architects – all of whom specialize in sandcastle construction.
Meanwhile, some enterprising Pakistanis are making the best of it. Reports confirm the sudden emergence of the “Indus Dust Festival,” with events ranging from mud-ball races to competitive mirage spotting. “Winner gets a bottle of imported evaporation,” one contestant explained, “assuming there’s anything left in the bottle.”
Surface water has become so rare that new couples now propose by gifting their beloved a single glass of tap water. “It’s more precious than gold,” one enamored resident confessed. “Also more likely to contain sediment.”
Politicians insist the problem is exaggerated, with one minister seen furiously blessing cupfuls of water, hoping for a miracle. “Look, we’ll have plenty of water soon as it finishes raining in Dubai,” he added optimistically, holding an umbrella under clear skies.
In response, global climate activists have sent “thoughts, prayers, and 1,000 inflatable kiddie pools,” while local mongers offer parched delta tours, “just bring your own water – lots of it.”
Only time will tell if the Indus delta will spring back to life. In the meantime, residents suggest everyone learn the ancient art of rain dances. “And maybe, just maybe,” Allah Ditta remarked, “stop upstream folks from hogging all the water for their swimming pools and decorative fountains.”
By: TheJestPress.com
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