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By: TheJestPress.com
**Israeli Security Cabinet Approves Plan to Occupy Gaza City; Already Looking for Airbnb Listings**
TEL AVIV – In an audacious move that has historians, peace negotiators, and confused travel bloggers furrowing their brows, Israel’s Security Cabinet announced this Thursday that it has officially approved a plan to occupy Gaza City. The last-minute addition to the plan: find parking and at least three functioning shawarma stands.
Sources close to the Cabinet say the meeting was tense, with half the members trying to locate Gaza City on Google Maps while the other half debated whether it was “occupation” if you just plan to stay for the weekend and promise to water the plants.
In response, Airbnb hosts in the region have already updated their listings. One Tel Aviv resident, going by the username “IDFred,” advertised, “Furnished apartment in the heart of Gaza City! Great view of ongoing drone activity. Bunker included. No deposit, but you may want to bring your own electricity.”
Pressed for comment, a government spokesperson clarified the occupation would feature extensive use of PowerPoint and possibly a TikTok campaign titled “OccupyGazaWithLove.” The IDF, meanwhile, is reportedly preparing “Welcome to Occupation!” swag bags, complete with tiny flags and coupons for 20% off at participating hummus vendors.
Analysts say this move could solve the region’s longstanding real estate crisis, assuming “crisis” is code for “something nobody really wants, but everyone keeps talking about.”
Meanwhile, local Gazans remain cautiously optimistic. One resident said, “Maybe if they occupy us, they’ll also fix the potholes. Or at least the Wi-Fi.”
When asked about a potential exit strategy, the Cabinet issued a statement: “What exit strategy?”
In the fine print, it notes, “By entering Gaza City, you accept all cookies and agree not to ask any follow-up questions.”
Stay tuned as this story develops, unravels, implodes, and possibly moves farther down Google’s trending topics list.
By: TheJestPress.com
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